Monday, April 25, 2005

My least favorite emotion


Why Hope? it's such a pretty word and it's so warm and fuzzy.... BLECH. I HATE IT. It only leads to dissappointment.

Example: I am STILL waiting to hear on a job that I interviewed for. I didn't go for a second interview, I KNOW they aren't going to hire me. But some part of my innards is saying "maybe, just maybe, wouldn't it be great." This is the part of me that is going to wail with despair when the fatefull e-mail comes, it will make me want to do nothing but wallow in my own misery for at least 24 hours. (My wallowing time is down from about 2 weeks since I started looking for jobs nearly 2 years ago.)

And now people will say to me But, you MIGHT still get the job, wouldn't that be great? And I will attempt to point out that my pessimism is a defence mechanims agains the gut wrenching dissappointment I will feel later on when I don't get the job. And they will say something innocuous and express that they don't think that's a very nice way to live a life. Then I will entertain visions of them suffering the dissapointment of no longer having a head.

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